A difficult, demanding kind of joy.
I have been back in Chicago for a week now. Exactly, in one hour, actually. I have to admit, it has taken me a few (several) days to get back into something that resembles the life I was living prior to landing in Canada. I miss Montreal greatly. I feel that I mourned a little bit. In the process of that mourning, I realized that I needed to carry on a certain feeling that was brewing deep inside me during those hours of class and rehearsal. I am not sure exactly how to describe it, but it certainly can be said that it is an extreme need to constantly push forward. It is not to ask for more, but to demand it. This is what I owe myself.
In the meantime, let it be known that I am currently too broke to get back into class. While this is a setback of sorts, I am currently more concerned with making the rent and digging myself out of the financial hole that I put myself in during the years past. This by no means is a regret for going on the adventure that I had in Montreal. In the days following my return, the necessity of that trip has made itself more and more apparent to me. Considering this, the purpose of this blog and the journey of my life have taken a slightly higher velocity towards gainful dance employment. I plan to document everything that happens to me as I open up to a wider range of experiences that will hopefully put me on a stage and allow me to expand in artistry.
What is currently helping me quite a bit is the continued presence of Audrey in my life. She is currently attending the summer intensive at Hubbard Street Dance Center, and is sleeping on my couch on the meantime. You should remember her from a particular earlier post regarding being locked out of our MTL apartment, and from a particularly compromising photo that took place in our restroom there. Which reminds me…
She might kill me for this.
With that out of the way, the time has come for me to do a few things. First, I have to not only maintain the strength and technique I gained in Canada, I have to improve upon it. Maintain stamina, increase strength and flexibility, eat as little as possible (JOKE), you get it. Second, I must plan and save up for auditions. At this time, most companies are not holding many open auditions. I must send them my materials (C.V., letter, photos, videos) and convince them that I am worth a private audition. What stands in my way at the moment is putting together a decent video. I have had terrible luck with this in the past, but I must achieve the feat, somehow. I must find a friend who has a decently functioning camera that I may borrow temporarily for my purposes. At this moment I am texting a coworker of mine, Stephanie, to see if she still has hers. Hopefully her husband (who is performing Shakespeare somewhere in Michigan) did not take it with him. As soon as this video is shot, it will be sent to Ballet Nouveau Colorado and Trey McIntyre Project.
These are my plans as of now. I figure if I force myself to publicly admit every step I take here, then I will be encouraged to be more proactive than before. I shall also admit that I failed to properly wake up as I had planned to do my morning yoga series. Hopefully, every admission of failure on my part will be an appropriate kick in my ass to keep the ball rolling. Nothing but honesty here. That being said, I am off to my apartment’s gym, provided it has cooled down to an acceptable temperature. Here goes!
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